I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
