Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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