His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
