Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
