I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
