She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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