I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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