I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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