He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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