im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
