he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
