I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
