So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
