Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
