You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
