allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
