We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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