Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
