i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
