I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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