He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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