my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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