i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
