I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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