He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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