Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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