Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
