he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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