I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
