you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ladies don't puke and tell
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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