I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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