I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
