someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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