Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
