i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
