apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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