dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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