Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
