Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
