The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
