I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize