Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
