My room smells like vodka and shame
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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