You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
