And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize