Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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