I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
