On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
