Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
