ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
