i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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