idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
