What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
