Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
