and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
