this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ๐๐
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know heโll give me.
Randomize
