I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
