This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
