if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
