And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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