I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
