you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
