So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
