I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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