her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
