why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
