You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
