A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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