If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
