The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
