I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
