i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
