bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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