just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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