Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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