Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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