wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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