Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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