So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
