I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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