Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I understand Curling. That high.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
