I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
