i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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