cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
