Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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