found the other keg... it's in the tree
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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