Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
