weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please come you make the beer taste better
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
