Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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