Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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