I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
