Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The best revenge is premature balding
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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