I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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