When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have tasted many bathrooms
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
