Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
