I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
