I just pynch a tree in the face
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
40s are totally the cure
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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