Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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