she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm like, not good at living.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
