Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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