Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
