my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
