Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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